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| What to do? His fetish is a major distraction for me.? I'm struggling here... I've been seeing a great guy for a couple months, and we seem to connect well on many levels. We find each other physically attractive, relate really well emotionally, have some similar goals and interests, have both done a fair amount of personal development work and are relatively self-aware and optimistic about life in general. The issue I'm having is that he is into the whole fisting culture... It seems to be his porn of choice and something that, at least the viewing of, really does it for him. I've tried in earnest to look at it with an open mind on my own and am only increasingly revolted and horrified (no offense to anyone who's into it) by the anal mutilation replete with gaping prolapses, etc. (and sorry if the graphic description offends those of you who, like myself, are NOT into it) to a point where I have acid reflux, the likes of which I've never experienced before. Further, I cannot seem to shake the idea that THIS IS WHAT HE LIKES! Does he fantasize about me in this way?! The resulting cringe makes me even more freaked out. While my own porn habit has admittedly had its own peaks and valleys, I find porn to be kind of empty in general and would much rather live things out in real life rather than just logging on and getting off. I realize this is slightly off topic. But all that being said, I'm no prude and am definitely open to exploring new territories. This, however, seems to be beyond my threshold. I have a visceral reaction anytime I think about, much less view it. Much like the traditional gay attitude of championing porn in general as a healthy, natural, and matter-of-fact aspect of daily gay life, whether in a relationship or not, he insists that it's not really that big a deal and that it's a very small part of who he is...yet it continues to be his material of choice which leads me to wonder, and cringe, some more. I've always had the mindset "To each his own," but it seems different now in the context of being involved, so to speak. I've gently brought it up a couple times (ironic how delicate you have to be about addressing something so hard-core, eh?), including the statement that it's something that I'll likely never do (on either side), which all seems to be fine and dandy for him, but it seems to be a pretty deeply ingrained proclivity for him, so ??? ... Am I gonna have to deal with him watching assplay vids for life? I'm sure I sound progressive to some and conservative to others, but whatever. Does anybody have some sincere wisdom to share here, about how to best move forward in such an almost ideal, but tainted situation? Thanks, Not looking for a fist fight. |
| Quite the paradox. This will be something that he never grows out of, sad to say. But you can find ways to incorporate his libido into your sexual routine. Porn isn't for everyone indeed, most of it for me is too fabricated and polished. With its lack of passion and unrealistic standards of self image; porn has become to gay men what Vogue and W is to young women. The irony is astounding. Have you tried understanding what it is that has made "fisting" his turn on? Maybe its not the act itself but the sense of trust and surrender that attracts him to the act?! You have to somehow make him see you in this light, without of course, (and forgive the sarcasm) "taking one up the ****." Good luck |